In our town, we have really smashed and evil roads
Our people break legs even at their harmless crossroads
Through these cracks constantly oozes canalization
And our schools are deeply in need of electrification

There’s no X-ray in our hospitals, everything’s simpler
A doctor can see through your bones, and he’s not a swindler
And to construct all the public trashcans and benches
There was spent zero dollars and zero pennies

Pipes leak in all of our flats
Our asphalt is now all in rags
Our houses crumble down like eggs

But our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
But our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
But our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
“Panamera”, “three sevens” license plate

We have only three small trams in our rather big town
They don’t have panes, wind just blows them up and down
Our buses are crowded like a tremendous meat grinder
And only the bravest old ladies can really survive it

There’s a mere one ambulance for all the people
(A mere one)
And if you need it, you’d better not be a cripple
(Don’t be a cripple)

But nobody ever will tell, no, nobody ever will tell
That our transport is actually so close to hell

For our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
For our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
For our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
“Panamera”, “three sevens” license plate

My citizens! Listen to me, I’m your mayor
There’s no car like my “Porshe Panamera”
And maybe you think that it cost me too much
But I can assure you, it’s worth it as such

So tender leather, my ass breathes anew
And my favorite thrill— a panoramic view
This car ionizes the air inside
So I can escape the stench outside

Believe me, our town, I love it so much
That’s why every day I (fuck it so much)
And all of your taxes I (love them as much)

And our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
And our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
(Not some crap of yours)
And our mayor has a “Porsche Panamera”
And his son has a “Bentley Continental”, shiny gold

I’m in need of shoes and a new lipstick
To make my soul bright beyond belief
I’m so faithful, I’m not atheistic
But in prayers I can’t get relief

I’d like my nose to be a little shorter
And my breasts to be another size
I was praying hard like a blessed martyr
But there was no result to my surprise

God, are you a sham?
Or maybe you can hear me,
But you just don’t give a damn?

I don’t have a car or an apartment,
I’ve already sent you my best prayer
I hoped for your financial department
But now I see that you just didn’t care

I asked you for a guy who has some money
Or maybe for a guy to please my soul
But you again did all of it so funny
Like you got really high and lost control

God, are you a sham?
Or maybe you can hear me,
But you just don’t give a damn?

They say you don’t exist, and maybe that’s why
You can’t hear my prayers all along
Oh, I truly wish you’d be in the sky
So you can put me where I do belong

God, are you a sham?
Or maybe you can hear me,
But you just don’t give a damn?

So listen, God, are you a sham?
Or maybe you can hear me,
But you just don’t give a damn?

SAINT VALENTINE’S DAY
WAS INVENTED BY GAYS
SHOVE YOUR CARD IN YOUR CUNT
GO TO COOK ME AND BRAISE

BRAISE YOUR FOOD BY YOURSELF
AND I’M GOING, OH YES
FOR A FUCK WITH MY STAS
IN HIS MERCEDES S-CLASS

FUCK, HUN! HAVE FUN!

HE’LL BUY ME A TEDDY
AND A BUNCH OF RED ROSES
BUT YOU ARE NOT READY
FOR A ROMANCE IN SUCH DOSES

YOU’RE GIVING YOURSELF WITHOUT DOUBTS
TO A RANDOM STAS IN A CAR
FOR PRESENTS, FOR ROSES, HANDOUTS!
JUST LOOK HOW ADULT YOU ARE

OH, LO AND BEHOLD! WELL, OKAY
OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT A PLAYA
REMEMBER, WHAT WAS YESTERDAY
BETWEEN YOU AND BABUSHKA GALYA?

NO ROSES AND OTHER SHIT
I FUCKED THIS BABUSHKA FOR FREE
I FUCKED HER SO HOT AND SO SWEET
OUR LOVE IS THE PASSION’S KEY

SO NOW LET HER COOK YOU AND BRAISE
AND MY STAS, BY THE WAY, IS A BANKER
IN THE SACK HE AND I SPEND ALL DAYS
BELIEVE ME, HE IS NOT A WANKER

OKAY, WITH YOUR BANKERS YOU, CHICKS
SHOULD MOAN FOR ROSES AND STUFF
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BANKERS’ DICKS
MAKE YOU ACTUALLY NOTHING BUT LAUGH

AND YOUR SALARY IS LIKE A CHIMERA
YOU’RE A FUNNY ENGINEER, MY EX
AND YOU NEVER EVER, VALERA
HOLD THE DOOR FOR THE FAIRER SEX!

I DON’T HOLD THE DOOR, DEAR CONSTANCE
’CAUSE I’M AFRAID OF THE LIBBERS, HONEY
MANSPLAINING, SEXISM, OTHER NONSENSE
DICK’S SIZE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY

I AM NOT A LIBBER, YOU KNOW IT
I AM ALWAYS UP FOR A REALLY GOOD SCHMUCK
AND WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW IT
LIKE THERE’S NO BEAUTY BUT FUCK

WELL, YOU’RE NOT A LIBBER, MY SIS
YOU CAME TO OUR CITY FOR WILLIES
WHAT I’M TRYING IS NONE OF YOUR BIZ
TO FUCK WITH DOUCHBAGS IS YOUR BUSINESS

OH, NOW YOU SAY THIS, JUDAH
WHILE YOU SIT IN MY FLAT WITH YOUR STUFF
GET OUT LIKE A SWIFT BARRACUDA
NOT LIKE A POKY GIRAFFE

THE FLAT OF MY BABUSHKA GALYA?
WHY DO YOU CLAIM IT’S YOURS?
YOU’RE A SNAKE IN THE GRASS IN ITALIA!
AND FOR WHAT DID WE HELP YOU, OH GODS

VALERA, COME ON, GET REAL
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK SHE’S YOURS?
CHASING OUR NEIGHBOR IS A VERY BIG DEAL
AND YOU’RE THE BEAST FROM THE CELLAR, OF COURSE

YESTERDAY SHE BECAME MINE
BY THE WAY, FOURTEEN TIMES IN A ROW
AT IKEA WE FUCKED ALL THE TIME
THOSE RUMORS ARE BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW

AT OUR LITTLE BELOVED IKEA
WHERE YOU ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU?
SO, ALL THIS TIME YOU JUST DIDN’T CARE
AND LIED LIKE A GODLESS JEW?!

YES I DID. BANKERS LIE TO YOU, TOO
WHEN YOU WANT TO FUCK SUCH A BABY
TO BE HONEST, WHAT YOU WOULDN’T DO!
ONLY LIES. AND MORE PRESENTS, MAYBE

DO YOU THINK I WILL BE COERCED
BY YOUR FLATTER? YOU COON, I WON’T!
GIVE ME BEARS AND ROSES AT FIRST
AND THEN YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT

NO, THESE BEARS I CANNOT BRING
NOW GET UNDRESSED, DON’T COMPLAIN
BANKER’S GIFTS ARE THE USUAL THING
BUT FUCKING WITH ME IS THE MAIN

WELL, YOU JUST ALWAYS SAY THAT
ALL OF YOU, YOU DAMNED DICKSCUMS
I’LL GO AND DROWN IN A TOILET
END MY MISERABLE LIFE AT ONCE

AND YOU’RE NOT A LIBBER? THAT’S LIES!
OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, MY LOVE
YOU’D BETTER CHOOSE GIRLS IN FAVOR OF GUYS
AND FUCK THEM BEYOND AND ABOVE

BUT FOR A FUCK THEY WILL ASK FOR
FLOWERS AND SHOES, A FUR COAT, A DRESS
YOU KNOW, I THINK I’D PREFER
FUCKING YOU ’CAUSE THERE’S LESS STRESS

OKAY, THAT’S THE DEAL, I WILL WAIT
TOMORROW FOR YOU IN THE HAYLOFT
AND WHAT WE ARE GONNA CREATE
IS AMAZINGLY MAKING LOVE