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vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. A grey wall and a chair

British Columbia Penitentiary — 1958.

Voiceover Alright, dirtbags. Lights out!

The auditorium is plunged into darkness.

Lights up on Mitch and Raul sitting in their prison cell Mitch is lifting a dumbbell. Cooper (a guard) enters.

Cooper Inspection! On your feet, prisoners!

Warden enters.

Warden Thank you, Neil.

Cooper While Warden Johnson is present you do not move off that spot. Do you understand?

Mitch and Raul Yes, Officer Cooper.

Warden So you’re the troublemaker I been hearing about? Name?

Cooper Mitchell Ruscitti, sir.

Warden Age?

Cooper Twenty-seven.

Warden Height?

Cooper Six-one.

Warden Weight?

Silence.

Warden Weight!

Cooper I am waiting, sir.

Warden No! Give me his weight!

Cooper Oh, a hundred and eighty pounds, sir.

Warden What’s his behavior like?

Cooper Well he’s pretty unemotional, sir. He acts coldly towards the guards.

Warden I see.

Cooper Icy, sir, exactly. But he’s a good labourer, once he dug out three water holes in one day.

Warden Well, well, well.

Cooper Exactly, sir.

Warden So, are you enjoying your time here at British Columbia Penitentiary?

Mitch I’m having a ball.

Warden Tell me about his sentence.

Cooper It was kinda sarcastic, sir.

Warden No, no, how long is the man’s sentence?

Cooper It was four words, sir.

Warden No! How long is his jail term?

Cooper Ten years sir.

Warden And what’s he served?

Cooper Porridge in the morning. Meat stew at night, sir.

Warden No! How long has he been with us?

Cooper (checks watch) A minute and a half, sir.

Warden At the prison.

Cooper Two years, sir.

Warden What’s your background?

Mitch A grey wall and a chair.

Warden I don’t wanna see any lip.

Cooper Yes, sir.

He holds his clipboard over Mitch’s mouth.

Warden No! Why did he end up here?

Cooper He was arrested after an armed robbery when his getaway driver didn’t show. But there have been other charges brought against him over the years.

Warden With conviction?

Cooper (spoken with conviction) There have been other charges brought against him over the years.

Warden Neil!

Cooper Yes, sir.

He kneels.

Warden No, no, get up. What charges were brought against him?

Cooper Oh! Well, let’s see here. Assault. Robbery.

Warden Who steals salt? What a piece of garbage, thrash him, can’t let him forget who’s boss.

Cooper Yes, sir.

He hits Mitch to the floor and beats him with his truncheon. Warden exits.

Под покровом ночи. Boo hoo

“My name is Peter Stillman. Perhaps you have heard of me, but more than likely not. No matter. That is not my real name. My real name I cannot remember. Excuse me. Not that it makes a difference. That is to say, anymore.

“This is what is called speaking. I believe that is the term. When words come out, fly into the air, live for a moment, and die. Strange, is it not? I myself have no opinion. No and no again. But still, there are words you will need to have. There are many of them. Many millions, I think. Perhaps only three or four. Excuse me. But I am doing well today. So much better than usual. If I can give you the words you need to have, it will be a great victory. Thank you. Thank you a million times over.

“Long ago there was mother and father. I remember none of that. They say: mother died. Who they are I cannot say. Excuse me. But that is what they say.

“No mother, then. Ha ha. Such is my laughter now, my belly burst of mumbo jumbo. Ha ha ha. Big father said: it makes no difference. To me. That is to say, to him. Big father of the big muscles and the boom, boom, boom. No questions now, please.

“I say what they say because I know nothing. I am only poor Peter Stillman, the boy who can’t remember. Boo hoo. Willy nilly. Nincompoop. Excuse me. They say, they say. But what does poor little Peter say? Nothing, nothing. Anymore.

Под покровом ночи. Flaming goose

For ten whole years the silly Queen
Repeated this absurd routine.
Then suddenly, one awful day,
She heard the Magic Mirror say,
’From now on, Queen, you’re Number Two.
Snow-White is prettier than you!’
The Queen went absolutely wild.
She yelled, ’I’m going to scrag that child!
I’ll cook her flaming goose! I’ll skin ’er!
’I’ll have her rotten guts for dinner!’
She called the Huntsman to her study.
She shouted at him, ’Listen, buddy!
’You drag that filthy girl outside,
’And see you take her for a ride!
’Thereafter slit her ribs apart
’And bring me back her bleeding heart!’

Лет десять млела Королева
от однотонного напева,
пока в один ужасный час
не раздалось: «Белее вас
мисс Белоснежка — и она
на первом месте быть должна!»
Тут королева в крик и в брань:
«Повесить маленькую дрянь!
В печи изжарить! Как я зла!
Я яд крысиный припасла
к обеду... Нет: мой Егерь, где вы?
Найдите пакостную деву,
спросите: “Дева, вам охота
со мной поехать на охоту?”
Скачите в лес с ней на коне.
Зарежьте деву. Сердце — мне».

Под покровом ночи. Quack

‘Oh, isn’t it lovely!’ cried William. ‘I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to be a bird!’

‘Your wings are not getting tired, are they, dear?’ Mr Gregg asked Mrs Gregg.

‘Not at all,’ Mrs Gregg said. ‘I could go on for ever!’

‘Hey, look down there!’ said Philip. ‘Somebody is walking in our garden!’

They all looked down, and there below them, in their own garden, they saw four enormous wild ducks! The ducks were as big as men, and what is more, they had great long arms, like men, instead of wings.

The ducks were walking in a line to the door of the Greggs’ house, swinging their arms and holding their beaks high in the air.

‘Stop!’ called the tiny Mr Gregg, flying down low over their heads. ‘Go away! That’s my house!’

The ducks looked up and quacked. The first one put out a hand and opened the door of the house and went in. The others went in after him. The door shut.

Роальд Даль. Краткая история происхождения клипа «Go Bananas».

books   comedy   english reading   Roald Dahl   The Magic Finger   vespertine   vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. Mr Mushroom Cloud

“I’m in charge now. You had your chance and now it’s my turn. And what I want is for everything to die.”

“But Mr Mushroom Cloud,” someone might say, “surely you don’t want me to die. I’ve never hurt anyone in my life.”

“That’s very nice of you, I’m sure,” the mushroom cloud would say, “but I’m still going to kill you.”

“But Mr Mushroom Cloud,” someone else might say, “I was about to go on holiday. Can’t you wait until I get back before you kill me?”

“No, I can’t,” the mushroom cloud would say.

“But Mr Mushroom Cloud,” someone else might say, “I was about to tell my friend that I love her.”

“Well, you should have done it earlier, shouldn’t you?” the mushroom cloud would say.

“But Mr Mushroom Cloud,” someone else might say, “I’ve only just been born.”

“What’s that got to do with it?” the mushroom cloud would say.

“But Mr Mushroom Cloud, surely you’re not going to kill me?” a little toadstool growing in a field might say. “We’re like family.”

“Nice try, little toadstool,” the mushroom cloud would say, “but just because you’re the same shape as me doesn’t mean that you’re going to get special treatment.”

Toadstool is a spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus, typically in the form of a rounded cap on a stalk, especially one that is believed to be inedible or poisonous. Just like a toad. On a stool.

comedy   drama   english reading   english words   Magic   Mike Russell   novels   vespertine   vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. Municipals

“How do we get in?”

“Over here,” Lilian said.

I followed her voice to a gate in the fence. There was a sign on the gate that said:

“Dunton Municipal Tip. No unauthorised entry.”

“I thought municipals were kangaroos,” I said. “Are there kangaroos in the tip?”

“I don’t think so, Charlie,” Lilian said. “Can you open the gate?”

books   english reading   Magic   Mike Russell   novels   vespertine   vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. The Price of Debauchery

My mother said, ‘There are no joys
In ever kissing silly boys.
Just one small kiss and one small squeeze
Can land you with some foul disease.’

‘But Mum, d’you mean from just a kiss?’
‘You know quite well my meaning, miss.’

Last week when coming home from school
I clean forgot Mum’s golden rule.
I let Tom Young, that handsome louse,
Steal one small kiss behind my house.

Oh, woe is me! I’ve paid the price!
I should have listened to advice.
My mum was right one hundredfold!
I’ve caught Tom’s horrid runny cold!

books   comedy   english reading   poetry   Rhyme Stew   Roald Dahl   vespertine   vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. Talk Like a Playa

‘Jeez,’ Charlie said, turning and looking out the back window.

Minty Fresh seemed to turn his full attention to driving safely now. ‘What the hell are those things?’

‘I call them sewer harpies. They’re the things that call to us from the storm sewers. They’re a lot stronger now than they used to be.’

‘They’re scary is what they are,’ said Minty.

‘I don’t know,’ Charlie said. ‘Have you gotten a good look at them? I mean, they got the badonkadonk out back and some fine ba-joopbadangs up front, know what I’m sayin’, dog? Buss a rock wid a playa?’ He offered his fist for Minty to buss him a rock, but alas, the mint one left him hangin’.

‘Stop that,’ Fresh said.

‘Sorry,’ Charlie said.

‘Talk Like a Playa in Ten Days or Less — Stone Thug Edition?’ Minty asked.

Charlie nodded. ‘We got the CD into the store a couple of months ago. I practice in the van. How am I doing?’

‘Your Negro-osity is uncanny. I had to keep checking to make sure you’re still white.’

A Dirty Job   books   Christopher Moore   comedy   english reading   novels   vespertine   vespertine reading

Под покровом ночи. Working Outside

‘It’s outside work, isn’t it,’ said Tam, by way of explanation.

‘So?’ I asked.

‘English people don’t like working outside, do they?’

‘Well, I’ve been out in it all day,’ I said. ‘And I’m English.’

Tam looked at me. ‘I know that,’ he said. ‘But you’ve been with us, haven’t you?’

Под покровом ночи. Mountains

I said, ‘You shouldn’t drop litter, you know.’

‘Why not?’ said Tam.

‘Well,’ I replied. ‘You know. It looks bad, doesn’t it? Spoils the countryside and everything.’

‘That’s a load of shite and you know it,’ he said.

‘No it isn’t,’ I said. ‘You can’t just go chucking rubbish all over the place.’

‘You can if you want,’ said Tam. ‘All this stuff about litter is just English pathetic . . .’ He trailed off, and then started again. ‘This is Scotland. You’re in Scotland and these mountains have been here millions of years. It doesn’t make any difference, a few fag packets for fuck sake. That’s just English fucking pathetic shite.’

‘He’s right,’ said Richie.

‘Yeah . . . I suppose so,’ I said.

I couldn’t see any mountains.

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